Look, look at this image I decided to post! Observe the fractal pattern on this expensive dress I bought from an Instagram-famous dressmaker. Despite the attention that five hundred people will give me by liking the image and commenting how wonderful I look — using the extensive vocabulary of the online world consisting of four adjectives — my yearning for pampering will remain insatiable. Therefore, I’ll add a myriad hashtags to make my image appear in the results of searches which have nothing in common with it, resulting in more likes, hence more pampering.
Look at this incredible bookshelf that I came across! It’s filled with coffee-coloured, typewritten documents extant from decades ago, books you probably won’t find anywhere else, in shelves made of authentic mahogany polished to a shine that almost entirely reflects the eyes of whoever looks at them. I’ll ask if you can smell what I do, fully aware that this is an online world I’m addressing. Did you know I don’t read at all and I’m only doing this for show? No? I’ll make it explicit in my caption and save you the guesswork. There is no bad publicity, after all.
Have you seen my best friend? One of my best friends, rather (I am popular and lovable, you know). We aren’t doing much, but I couldn’t see why that ought to be a reason to not post a picture of us online. Naturally, ‘what would I do without you’ is going to be one of the hashtags supplementing the three-page caption accompanying this image of no substance. I’ll call him a teddy bear, say he’s my sweetheart and my only constant, call him cute nicknames, kiss his cheek, flirt with him to the point of leading him on, but when he confesses that he wants more from our relationship, I’ll be appalled to a disgusting degree at how the idea popped into his head. I won’t be posting an image then, though.
Do you know I never miss a birthday or an anniversary? It’s my friend’s birthday today, but instead of telling her how much she means to me, and the value she adds to my life and my happiness, I’ll go online and advertise that I love her. I’ll describe how much I love her, but because I can’t really write words that haven’t been pulled out of the internet platitudes of birthday wishes, I’ll use emoticons (loads of them, because more is obviously better) to ensure that they communicate what my words fail to. Also, when my parents’ wedding anniversary comes, I’ll post an image of me with them and follow the same routine. The world will know that I love them, even if they don’t.
Have you ever been to this country I’m visiting? I don’t much care, because I will be spamming anyway. I’ll post pictures of every city I travel to, every meal I eat (not just relish, but eat), every monument I visit, every performance I watch, and describe them all in detail. Occasionally, I will also add, to this list, images of my feet on the sands of beaches I got to visit, images of the sun waking up and getting out from underneath his blanket of clouds, and birds flying in lovely formations. I’ll accompany them with narcissistic captions or unrelated motivational quotes. Don’t worry, all of these images will have filters, making them more appealing and in line with the conventions of online posting. I’m a celebrity, and I understand that everybody is curious to constantly follow my whereabouts, activities and opinions. Also, what other way do I have to prove to the world that there’s wanderlust in me? Oh wait, I’ll add a wanderlust hashtag!
It’s strange how strong the instinct is to see something and reach for a camera. As if to prove that it’s real and that you were here. There is an almost impossible-to-resist charm in pausing the world, shrinking it down to two dimensions and making its colours more vivid on a souvenir to take with you. Is it about power? Power that lets you play with the world you see? Power to pause everything in front of you, bringing it all into a five-inch frame by the mere click of a button? Is it the sorcery in being able to take that version of the world with you wherever you go?
Or are we terrified of a moving, changing world? Do we want time to pause so we can capture the perfect click? Are we obsessed with ourselves so much that we crave the acceptance, attention and appreciation of the world, even when we don’t? We have experiences and travel the world to make memories, but we remain behind the veil of the camera. So, here’s the question: are we really there?
